"Thanks for your prayers and support."

An update on Charely and Boss...

We got a chance to catch up with Charley, his wife and kids Saturday night for some Chicken George.  In fact, it was a bit of an impromptu reunion with two other high school buddies and a great friend from college.  10 adults ... 9 kids ... loads of food and pool party next door at the hotel.  It was a great time catching up and watching the kids create memories of their own.

We talked a bit about how Boss was doing, and that he and Charley were able to have a few hours of quality time and lucid conversations over the course of Friday and Saturday.  It was clear that Boss was in a significant amount of pain and his condition was deteriorating quickly.  Charley sounded happy to have made the trip and relieved that Boss seemed ready to move on.  Everyone offered their help if Charley or Boss needed anything in the coming months.  We parted ways excited to have seen each other and eager to get together again.

Rebecca, the kids and I had just started our drive home down Highway 40.  It was bitter, cold, and barren.  I heard from Charley a few moments later...

My Dad passed away earlier this morning.  I feel incredibly blessed for the time that we were able to share with him.  It's clear now that this trip was something that he was waiting for and once complete he felt he could let go.  Seeing the joy and laughs that the kids created within his pain was incredible.  Thanks for your prayers and support.  Charley

Not quite a fairy tale ending, but one that offered Charley and Boss the opportunity for closure.  Boss lived a long life, particularly for someone with such a challenging disease like MS.  While the opportunity for closure may not seem like much, both Rebecca and I lost parents suddenly and at a young age.  It was refreshing and uplifting to see the process happen as it was intended.

During the rest of the drive home, the wintry scene seemed less bitter and more peaceful.  Less cold and more serene.  Less barren and more hopeful.  Thanks for all the prayers and support.

Be right to say some words...

Anyone remember Open Range with Kevin Costner and Robert Duvall?

I got a call from an old friend today.  We went to high school together.  We roomed at college together.  He was the best man in my wedding.  Great guy.  Lovely wife and two pretty adorable kids.  We'll call him Charley for the purposes of this post.

We're both headed back home this weekend.  Traveling a combined 1,300 miles (one way, in the snow, uphill) to visit a place we tried to get out of for 18 years.  I'm going home for a late Christmas with my dad and brothers.  Charley's headed home for a different reason.

Charley had one of the coolest houses when we were growing up even though it was out in the sticks.  The garage was finished with a full size backboard and hoop.  The garage floor was painted complete with a lane, free throw line, the works.  All kinds of animals.  Even a horse.  If I remember correctly her name was Hope ... ironically, that's exactly what's bringing Charley home this weekend.

Charley's dad (we'll call him Boss) has been sick with MS for as long as I can remember ... over 20 years.  It was hard to watch Boss' normal capabilities erode as he eventually transitioned to a wheelchair, but even that was probably 15 years ago.  I only saw Boss occasionally, and I wonder if it was harder or easier for Charley since he saw his father everyday and the changes would have appeared more gradual.  I'm guessing it didn't help much.

As Boss' disease advanced and took a tighter grip, his marriage failed.  You might wonder what kind of a person leaves someone who's sick, but I never really got the impression that anyone thought the breakup was her fault.  It reminds me of how Frank Sinatra introduces the song "Send In The Clowns":

"This is a song about a couple of adult people who have spent, oh, quite a long time together.  Until one day one of them decides to leave.  Whether it was the man or woman who left is unimportant.  It's a breakup."

Charley's mom was / is a super fantastic person.  You know the mom where something gets broke or beer gets discovered or a car gets banged up and you're bracing for the "what in the hell were you thinking" lecture?  She didn't do that.  She'd make sure everyone was OK.  She'd do her best to make sure no laws were broken.  Then she'd let you be your own worst critic.  "I love you enough to look past this temporary path of rebellion you boys are on.  You're good kids and I'll do my best to support you while you discover the bigger picture on your own."  I know huh?  Told you she was fantastic.

Back to the story ... ailing father, soon to be divorced parents, maturing from a teenager to a young adult ... sounds like a perfect time to pick up a big chip of "angry at the world" and set it squarely on your shoulder right?  It never happened.  He just kind of went with the flow ... rolled with the punches.  We went off to college, he worked hard (hard enough to graduate anyway) and had fun.

So when Charley told me the news today that his father's health was failing further I asked him if there was anything I could do.  His response?  "Prayers if you're into that."

If I'm into that?  We went to Catholic middle school and high school together!  What does he mean "if you're into that"?  How can he been gone for so long and still know me so well?  Because for the record I am not into that, not at all.  Me and the Big Fella had a falling out of sorts.  Personal grievances that came with my own parents divorcing and losing my mother at the age of 14.  I went from going to church every Sunday to more a mindset of "if that's the kind of help you're handing out then screw you I'll do this life thing myself."

Which brings us back to Open Range.  Charley (Kevin Costner) and Boss (Robert Duvall) return to camp to find Mose (young cowboy) and Tig (the loyal dog) murdered.  They bury Mose and Tig on a hillside:

Charley: Be right to say some words.

Boss: You want to speak with the man upstairs, go on and do it. I'll stand right here and listen, hat in hand, but I ain't talking to that son of a bitch. And I'll be holding a grudge for him letting this befall a sweet kid like Mose.

Charley:  Well, he sure as hell wasn't one to complain. Woke with a smile, seemed like he could keep it there all day. Kind of a man that'd say 'good morning' and mean it, whether it was or not. Tell you the truth, Lord, if there was two gentler souls in this world, I never seen 'em. Seems like old Tig wouldn't even kill birds in the end. Well, you got yourself a good man and a good dog, and I'm inclined to agree with Boss here about holding a grudge against you for it. I guess that means Amen.

Classic.  Summed up perfectly what I'd been thinking for, oh I don't know ... 15 years I guess.  You tell 'em Boss!  Give 'em hell!

Amazing what we'll do for friends though.  Setting personal grievances aside, I'm finding the time to keep Charley, Boss and their family in my thoughts ... and ... errr, prayers.  Yeah, I said it.  Prayers.  Now the only problem is WHAT do I pray for?  Does Charley want his father to stay longer?  Is Boss ready to move on?  Is it only this hard because I'm so out of practice?  Off we go...

I pray most that Boss is free from suffering, whether he stays or goes.  I pray that Charley's trip home is peaceful and happy.  I pray that a father and a son and a family, fully aware of the impermanence of life, have a positive and compassionate weekend. ... And if they don't, I'm holding you personally responsible and going back to my grudge.  I guess that means Amen.

Oh, and to my own dad ... I love you.  See you in a few days Pops...