Year: 37, Day: 1

Ever have one of those laughs, like REALLY long laughs?  The kind where everyone in the room is laughing, doubled over and holding their sides because it was THAT funny?  Then everyone calms down, gets in a few deep breaths, then erupts into laughter again?

We had one of those last night, and before you ask ... wine, beer and tobacco were the only substances in play. It was my 36th birthday party and I get more excited every year about the prospect of not really doing anything but hanging out with good friends, good food and good drinks.  Rebecca did a pretty fantastic job of getting many of best friends and compadres together for just that.  The weather was beautiful, perfect for grilling and some backyard games.  The food was excellently prepared ... and it is the preparation that deserves the praise, not my flipping it over a few times on a hot grill.  The drinks were plentiful, and the company was (as usual) what really brought the whole thing together.

A quick side riff on people making the difference ...

"Organization doesn't really accomplish anything. Plans don't accomplish anything, either. Theories of management don't much matter. Endeavors succeed or fail because of the people involved. Only by attracting the best people will you accomplish great deeds." - Colin Powell

I'm a little biased, but I really do think very highly of the people I choose to spend time with (and who graciously choose to spend their time with me).  And while the laugh we had was great, the "deed" that accomplished it was anything but.

One of our party goers (and particularly, one of the more sober ones) ventured out onto the patio to take a phone call.  They claim that the screen door was wide open when they walked out.  At some point during their 10-15 minute conversation, "someone" must have closed the screen door.  (Note: I'm laughing again already as I try to type this.)

When the phone conversation ended, they made their way back towards a room full of people who were just generally conversing and in plain sight of the patio entrance.  WHAM!  Bumble, bumble, stumble ... then raucous, boisterous, belly laughs ... like a room full of Santa Clauses all erupted at the same time.  Yep, our first attempted screen door pass through of Spring 2010.

Our party guest was walking in rather than walking out, but this video should help if you've never seen this phenomenon before.  The real fun starts at the 30 second mark, but they're nice enough to replay it a few times.



Our guest had a similar reaction.  The immediate expression of "WTF!?" ... "Hey, that wasn't here before." ... "Oh man, I just ran into a screen door." ... "Is there any other way off this patio other than going back inside?" ... all wrapped up into one face, one moment, it was priceless.  They were a great sport and very self-effacing, and it was HILARIOUS.  Our youngest party goer wasn't even 2 years old yet and even he thought it was a hoot.

It was certainly a highlight of the night and a story I'll be enjoying for many birthdays to come.  "Luke Screenwalker" was also kind enough to offer to not only pay for repairing the screen and bending the frame, but to actually come back and do the work themselves.  I told them not to worry about it and as far as party casualties go getting a new screen door isn't that bad, but they insisted on making things right.

It was a classy gesture and all I can say at this point is c'mon over ... the door's open. ;)

MLB Week 2: Power Rankings

And they're in!  Power Rankings: Yankees in rarefied air.

Some of my favorites this early into the season:

- Disclaimer: Just a reminder, the following is subject to change. Not the Astros, but everyone else.

Ha ha ... so true.  The Astros are super pathetic this year.  Glad to see them pick up their first win against the Cards though. Zing!

- 2. Philadelphia Phillies - After first nine games against Nationals and Astros, Phils begin referring to schedule-maker as “our 10th man.”

Phils are 7-1.  Didn’t realize they did it against the Natty Lights and Astros.  Who’s next?  The Pirates?

- 3. Tampa Bay Rays - Nodding to one of Tampa’s most famous residents, Maddon suggests new Rays ballpark be built “on Jeter’s property out there.” Jeter says that’s fine, as long as nobody stands in Minka’s sun.

What can I say here?  Jeter?  Super model girlfriend?  I don’t think there’s anything else to add.

- 5. St. Louis Cardinals - Pujols to-do list: 1) Win second World Series. 2) Win fourth MVP. 3) Get that pesky John Connor.

Perfect comparison!  This guy is exactly like the Terminator.  Too bad the Yanks already have an All-Star first baseman.  Even worse, it’s too bad the Red Sox don’t.  Tell Deidre to get the bags packed for Beantown. :(

- 7. Boston Red Sox - Big Papi mortified when beat writer for Worcester Telegram and Gazette grabs bat and goes 2 for 5 against Royals.

How many games does he have to struggle before you can realistically start using the word “slump”?

- 16. Los Angeles Angels - Matsui returns to Yankee Stadium, gets ring, taunts new teammates with silly Rally Monkey dance.

Matsui is first class all the way.  Ring presentation and Jeter prank were both great!  Aren’t monkey brains a delicacy in Asia-Pac?  Let’s hope Hideki finishes that little furball off.

And then to the dregs…

- 29. Baltimore Orioles - O’s draw 9,129 for game against Rays. Officials explain there would have been more, but, you know, the O’s are, um, awful.

- 30. Houston Astros - Management, in search of upcoming “gimmes,” circle all off-days.

According to who?

I was taking the kids to school this morning.  We were talking about our upcoming day with Sirius XM 20 in the background.  Orianthi's "According to You" came on, which resulted in both kids pleading, "Can we turn it up!?"  I guess they don't enjoy talking about their day as much as I do hearing about it.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of hearing this gem, it's starts with:

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.

And goes on with:

But according to him

I'm beautiful,

incredible,

he can't get me out of his head.

A standard teenage tale of woe ... the guy I'm with doesn't like me and the guy I like I'm not with.  I asked the kids (when the song was over) if they could describe to me what they thought the song was about.  My daughter (6) says, "All I know is that Oprah sings it."  My son (9) must have picked up on an upcoming life lesson and kept his response short with, "It's about a girl who's stupid, useless and can't to anything right."  Eureka!

To which I replied, "According to who?"  Their responses were some guy, her boyfriend, etc.  OK, good enough.  So I asked, "What should she do?  What would you do if you were her?"  I'd secretly hoped for a different response, but what I heard didn't shock me ... she should be with the person who thinks she's beautiful.

Ah, yes ... but, what if someday rolls around and that person now thinks she's useless, stupid and can't do anything right?  What now?  She's right back where she started.  Crickets.  Blank stares.  One request to turn the radio back on.

I asked my daughter, "Do you think you're beautiful?"  She bashfully (as bashfully as someone with her confidence can) said yes.  I asked my son, "Do you think you're stupid?"  He looked at me and with his voice he just said no, but with the rest of his facial expression he was closer to, "Dad, I'm in the f'in accelerated program.  What do you think?"

Perfect!  So why does she care if he thinks she's stupid, useless and can't do anything right?  Again, crickets.  Blank stares.  Why attach your self worth to some boy or some girl who can wake up one day and change their mind?  Why not allow what you think about yourself to be more important than what anyone else thinks of you ... your friends, the school "system", even your mom or your dad?

Hmmm ... this had to have been puzzling for them.  So let's get this straight Dad, when you're hollering at me because I spilled a bag of chips and I don't clean them up in less than 30 seconds, it means I'm really only clumsy or screwing around if I THINK I'm clumsy or screwing around?  It really doesn't matter what you think?  Well it matters a little I guess, but we didn't actually get that far.  Maybe they'll give it some thought today at school and we'll see where it goes at dinner.  Unless of course someone spills something, then it's all over but the shoutin'. ;)

It's a difficult but important concept to discuss with kids who put so much emphasis on pleasing others, doing what they're told, trying to make mom, dad, teacher, coach, friend, etc. happy.  They're judged at school by their grades, at home by their parents, and at practice by their coaches.  It's amazing any of them learn to think and feel and live for themselves.

Maybe it's just the transitional age of my kids from the necessary boundaries and rule setting of young childhood to the more rebellious teenage years.  Perhaps we're going through the more vague and often confusing pre-teen years.

What's your experience been in building self-esteem and self-worth in youngsters?

How do you balance it with boundaries, rules, chores, etc.?

Anywhere, here she is in the flesh ... well, in video anyway.  Enjoy!

"Thanks for your prayers and support."

An update on Charely and Boss...

We got a chance to catch up with Charley, his wife and kids Saturday night for some Chicken George.  In fact, it was a bit of an impromptu reunion with two other high school buddies and a great friend from college.  10 adults ... 9 kids ... loads of food and pool party next door at the hotel.  It was a great time catching up and watching the kids create memories of their own.

We talked a bit about how Boss was doing, and that he and Charley were able to have a few hours of quality time and lucid conversations over the course of Friday and Saturday.  It was clear that Boss was in a significant amount of pain and his condition was deteriorating quickly.  Charley sounded happy to have made the trip and relieved that Boss seemed ready to move on.  Everyone offered their help if Charley or Boss needed anything in the coming months.  We parted ways excited to have seen each other and eager to get together again.

Rebecca, the kids and I had just started our drive home down Highway 40.  It was bitter, cold, and barren.  I heard from Charley a few moments later...

My Dad passed away earlier this morning.  I feel incredibly blessed for the time that we were able to share with him.  It's clear now that this trip was something that he was waiting for and once complete he felt he could let go.  Seeing the joy and laughs that the kids created within his pain was incredible.  Thanks for your prayers and support.  Charley

Not quite a fairy tale ending, but one that offered Charley and Boss the opportunity for closure.  Boss lived a long life, particularly for someone with such a challenging disease like MS.  While the opportunity for closure may not seem like much, both Rebecca and I lost parents suddenly and at a young age.  It was refreshing and uplifting to see the process happen as it was intended.

During the rest of the drive home, the wintry scene seemed less bitter and more peaceful.  Less cold and more serene.  Less barren and more hopeful.  Thanks for all the prayers and support.

Be right to say some words...

Anyone remember Open Range with Kevin Costner and Robert Duvall?

I got a call from an old friend today.  We went to high school together.  We roomed at college together.  He was the best man in my wedding.  Great guy.  Lovely wife and two pretty adorable kids.  We'll call him Charley for the purposes of this post.

We're both headed back home this weekend.  Traveling a combined 1,300 miles (one way, in the snow, uphill) to visit a place we tried to get out of for 18 years.  I'm going home for a late Christmas with my dad and brothers.  Charley's headed home for a different reason.

Charley had one of the coolest houses when we were growing up even though it was out in the sticks.  The garage was finished with a full size backboard and hoop.  The garage floor was painted complete with a lane, free throw line, the works.  All kinds of animals.  Even a horse.  If I remember correctly her name was Hope ... ironically, that's exactly what's bringing Charley home this weekend.

Charley's dad (we'll call him Boss) has been sick with MS for as long as I can remember ... over 20 years.  It was hard to watch Boss' normal capabilities erode as he eventually transitioned to a wheelchair, but even that was probably 15 years ago.  I only saw Boss occasionally, and I wonder if it was harder or easier for Charley since he saw his father everyday and the changes would have appeared more gradual.  I'm guessing it didn't help much.

As Boss' disease advanced and took a tighter grip, his marriage failed.  You might wonder what kind of a person leaves someone who's sick, but I never really got the impression that anyone thought the breakup was her fault.  It reminds me of how Frank Sinatra introduces the song "Send In The Clowns":

"This is a song about a couple of adult people who have spent, oh, quite a long time together.  Until one day one of them decides to leave.  Whether it was the man or woman who left is unimportant.  It's a breakup."

Charley's mom was / is a super fantastic person.  You know the mom where something gets broke or beer gets discovered or a car gets banged up and you're bracing for the "what in the hell were you thinking" lecture?  She didn't do that.  She'd make sure everyone was OK.  She'd do her best to make sure no laws were broken.  Then she'd let you be your own worst critic.  "I love you enough to look past this temporary path of rebellion you boys are on.  You're good kids and I'll do my best to support you while you discover the bigger picture on your own."  I know huh?  Told you she was fantastic.

Back to the story ... ailing father, soon to be divorced parents, maturing from a teenager to a young adult ... sounds like a perfect time to pick up a big chip of "angry at the world" and set it squarely on your shoulder right?  It never happened.  He just kind of went with the flow ... rolled with the punches.  We went off to college, he worked hard (hard enough to graduate anyway) and had fun.

So when Charley told me the news today that his father's health was failing further I asked him if there was anything I could do.  His response?  "Prayers if you're into that."

If I'm into that?  We went to Catholic middle school and high school together!  What does he mean "if you're into that"?  How can he been gone for so long and still know me so well?  Because for the record I am not into that, not at all.  Me and the Big Fella had a falling out of sorts.  Personal grievances that came with my own parents divorcing and losing my mother at the age of 14.  I went from going to church every Sunday to more a mindset of "if that's the kind of help you're handing out then screw you I'll do this life thing myself."

Which brings us back to Open Range.  Charley (Kevin Costner) and Boss (Robert Duvall) return to camp to find Mose (young cowboy) and Tig (the loyal dog) murdered.  They bury Mose and Tig on a hillside:

Charley: Be right to say some words.

Boss: You want to speak with the man upstairs, go on and do it. I'll stand right here and listen, hat in hand, but I ain't talking to that son of a bitch. And I'll be holding a grudge for him letting this befall a sweet kid like Mose.

Charley:  Well, he sure as hell wasn't one to complain. Woke with a smile, seemed like he could keep it there all day. Kind of a man that'd say 'good morning' and mean it, whether it was or not. Tell you the truth, Lord, if there was two gentler souls in this world, I never seen 'em. Seems like old Tig wouldn't even kill birds in the end. Well, you got yourself a good man and a good dog, and I'm inclined to agree with Boss here about holding a grudge against you for it. I guess that means Amen.

Classic.  Summed up perfectly what I'd been thinking for, oh I don't know ... 15 years I guess.  You tell 'em Boss!  Give 'em hell!

Amazing what we'll do for friends though.  Setting personal grievances aside, I'm finding the time to keep Charley, Boss and their family in my thoughts ... and ... errr, prayers.  Yeah, I said it.  Prayers.  Now the only problem is WHAT do I pray for?  Does Charley want his father to stay longer?  Is Boss ready to move on?  Is it only this hard because I'm so out of practice?  Off we go...

I pray most that Boss is free from suffering, whether he stays or goes.  I pray that Charley's trip home is peaceful and happy.  I pray that a father and a son and a family, fully aware of the impermanence of life, have a positive and compassionate weekend. ... And if they don't, I'm holding you personally responsible and going back to my grudge.  I guess that means Amen.

Oh, and to my own dad ... I love you.  See you in a few days Pops...